Crimsonietta.net

Sometimes I wonder precisely why I’m living the way I am today. I made a post earlier admitting to the public a rather exaggerated psychological trait of mine - the fact that I used to have an inferiority complex that still crops up occasionally - but now that I look back at what I said, I realize that I was making excuses and trying to do exactly the thing that I condemn: garner pity.

I don’t enjoy unwanted sympathy, so I definitely don’t go looking for it either. And the more negative posts I create on my blog, the more of a nuisance it is to read my opinions and reflect thoughtfully on them. I really and truly hope that in the future I can just live for the sake of living and not worry so much about the little trifles that may afflict me from time to time. After all, it’s nothing to feel down once in a while - there are plenty of people out there who have the right to truly complain about the quality of their life, and I have no right to be imposing upon them. There are so many people who suffer from disease, hunger, lack of education, cult practices, etc. If anyone should be entitled to complain about how bad their life is, or how much they hate their present situation, it would be them.

In short, I suppose it’s really frustrating at times for me to keep a positive outlook on life, but I suppose I’ll have to try my hardest. I have already successfully pinned down the main reason why I can’t get anything done - I’m not focused enough and I often stray from the path of things that really matter, getting caught up in superfluous and materialistic activities. If only I could focus purely on the things that matter most in life, then I could enjoy it to the fullest. As you may recall from a few entries back, my top priorities are documenting life, technology, SnM, fine arts, and education. More than anything, though, I believe the act of documenting my life is the one that I enjoy the most and would love to continue doing even if the rest eventually fade away.

So, in retaliation to my previous lament earlier today, if the summer is too boring and I feel I don’t have anything to do, then I suppose I’ll have to make things to do! Laundry list time, hehe =) And for once I won’t bother my readers with the details.

Earlier today, however, I was contemplating the idea of creating a separate site for my written works, similar to what the owner of Verbosity.net has done. I’ve played with this idea the entire day in my mind, and I keep on getting the urge to go ahead with this idea, but I know deep within my heart that I’ll simply lose interest in it over time. After all, aren’t all of my blog posts already “written works”? Haha =) It seems things work this way a lot of the time with me, however. I often get grand ideas that I really wish to pursue, but I know, regretfully, that I will eventually lose focus and discard the ambition.

Perhaps it’s best that I just stick with the things that I know I will never give up. Like continuing to prod at technology, produce Sekai no Melody, and doing what I do best - blogging and expressing my opinions! Until next time, enjoy life.

Yesterday was my last official school day as a senior of the class of 2008. I spent it commenting my CS programs, talking with my Biology buddies, walking around the school to pay off fines, and distributing presents to teachers. Despite only being at school for two hours, it felt like forever. But now, finally…

It’s over.

I promised myself I wouldn’t feel too badly about graduating. I told myself I would feel 200% happiness at finally getting out of this cesspool of rules and entrapment. Yet despite all those things I’ve told myself, I think even though I don’t want to admit it, I really do feel a stinging throb of nostalgia for the memories I’ve created, both good and bad, over the course of my high school career.

Sitting here at midnight, listening to sentimental songs like Yuna Ito’s Precious or Arashi’s Graduation, I find that no matter how badly I want to hide under a strong exterior, I can’t seem to shake the fact that I -do- feel a bit sad that it’s done. I remember last year in French class when Stacy and Leah kept on talking about how they could not wait until graduation, and I kept on insisting that I didn’t want to think of graduation because it was too depressing, but sometime during my senior year I just felt ready to get out.

I think what I’ll be missing isn’t attending classes or being confined to the rules of the handbook or taking insanely difficult (or easy) tests. What I’ll be missing are the teachers that have made a difference in my life, the experiences that have developed my character, and the friends that I will never forget.

And even though I’d love to forget some of them, I don’t think I can ever forget all of the other 480-something people in our VRHS beta class of ‘08. We’ve slaved through together, and even though I don’t know all of them, there’s something intriguing in the camaraderie you can develop with others despite not associating with them. We made it through together, guys. And now, it’s our turn to be unleashed upon the world. The future awaits.

and so we talked all night about the rest of our lives…

Heaven knows I’ve written enough sentimental entries about my final year in high school to fill a blank novella, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to fully get over the fact that I’m finally graduating and leaving this place. Well… it’s not like I’m terribly sad to be leaving; I’m seriously overjoyed that next year I’ll be far away up North in Massachusetts having the time of my life in college. But the sheer reality that I’ve already suffered four long years in this cesspool of education is hard to grasp.

I think in my past four years I’ve complained enough about the sucky aspects of my schooling, so for once I figured I’d go back and talk about the few things that made senior year completely and totally worth it.

1. AP Computer Science
Okay seriously. I don’t know how else to express CS except an extreme case of love-hate. The class itself gets so tedious and annoying at times, but at the same time it’s awesome because we all suffer together, collaboratively. That’s exactly the same type of feeling I get from MIT’s environment; even though it will probably be gruesome and difficult, the sheer notion that we’re all going through the same thing together is something that I really enjoy. And besides, there are so many fun moments in CS every single class period, whether it’s picking on Alex Innes or listening to Clayton’s bad jokes or having Ms. Pittman tell Nate to shut up.

2. AP Biology field trip
The AP Bio field trip in September down to Port Aransas was, to put it lightly, freaking awesome. So what if I had to do a bunch of biology labs I didn’t care for? So what if I was freezing in my bed every single night? So what if the floor was disgusting old tile and the bathrooms had to be shared by four people? So what if the bus ride there and back was 7 hours long? I had a blast with a bunch of people that I daresay I ended up being extremely close with. Walking on the beach in the moonlight, fitting 10 people into our cramped room to play ERS, eating cookies and chips & dip, staying up late talking about relationships and being the first to drift off to sleep (and sleeptalk), picking up hermit crabs and ctenophores, swearing colourfully during games of Chinese poker and Presidents, fitting 10 people into the tiny booth at the pizza place… good memories were made, I will confess.

3. Science fair
Nothing can really top scifair in my list of awesome stuff from senior year, honestly. School fair was fun. Regionals was exciting and we came up with more inside jokes (such as eating our lunch in literally 5 minutes before 2nd-tier judging) - it was so amazing to stand there in a circle with everyone in the Biochem aisle and listen as they slowly, teasingly announced all the first place winners. That was some serious tension and really got the adrenaline going, haha. State was even more amazing since we had such an amazing group of people this year, and even MORE inside jokes were made (Faith getting arrested, partying in Ashley Covington’s room). And then, of course… Intel ISEF 2008, seriously the best week of my LIFE. I met so many awesome people and it ended on a very good note =) I’m going to have to make a scifair post going all the way back to the beginning and discussing how I’ve grown throughout the years…

4. MIT acceptance!
March 15th, about 3pm. “On behalf of the Admissions Committee, it is my pleasure to offer you admission to the MIT Class of ‘12.” I think that in itself is enough to explain why this was a highlight of my senior year. Just think about it… it’s freaking MIT! I get to study under great professors, be in a place with students who are on my same wavelength and value that same collaborative spirit that I do. I’m just SO. VERY. GRATEFUL. that I was given the chance to attend. I’ll have to copy/paste the letter I originally wrote to attempt to convince MIT to accept me; I don’t know if it did any good, but looking back at it now, I feel really accomplished because I truly feel like it expressed my real sentiments towards MIT and I’m confident that I was accepted because of the characteristics I expressed in that letter.

5. Senior prom
So those who know me also know that I’m not really social. I don’t attend get-togethers and parties often. But I’m really glad that for one single night, I actually stood up away from the computer and went and had FUN with all my friends. Dinner at Carino’s was awesome (table of 14, anyone?) and even though I didn’t dance at prom itself, I had a lot of fun just socializing with people in general, and the evening ended very well. I feel proud that I actually ENJOYED a school event, haha.

6. Random things during the school day
So many little things also made my year truly unforgettable. Such as.. skipping French to work on science fair, playing cards with Chris and the others in the library, phone-stalking Steven with Ashley Covington, walking around with Steven during student aide, sharing peanut-butter cups with John Veloria, invading the food boxes in Mrs. Mann’s storeroom, and various other items. Good times.