Sometimes I wonder precisely why I’m living the way I am today. I made a post earlier admitting to the public a rather exaggerated psychological trait of mine - the fact that I used to have an inferiority complex that still crops up occasionally - but now that I look back at what I said, I realize that I was making excuses and trying to do exactly the thing that I condemn: garner pity.
I don’t enjoy unwanted sympathy, so I definitely don’t go looking for it either. And the more negative posts I create on my blog, the more of a nuisance it is to read my opinions and reflect thoughtfully on them. I really and truly hope that in the future I can just live for the sake of living and not worry so much about the little trifles that may afflict me from time to time. After all, it’s nothing to feel down once in a while - there are plenty of people out there who have the right to truly complain about the quality of their life, and I have no right to be imposing upon them. There are so many people who suffer from disease, hunger, lack of education, cult practices, etc. If anyone should be entitled to complain about how bad their life is, or how much they hate their present situation, it would be them.
In short, I suppose it’s really frustrating at times for me to keep a positive outlook on life, but I suppose I’ll have to try my hardest. I have already successfully pinned down the main reason why I can’t get anything done - I’m not focused enough and I often stray from the path of things that really matter, getting caught up in superfluous and materialistic activities. If only I could focus purely on the things that matter most in life, then I could enjoy it to the fullest. As you may recall from a few entries back, my top priorities are documenting life, technology, SnM, fine arts, and education. More than anything, though, I believe the act of documenting my life is the one that I enjoy the most and would love to continue doing even if the rest eventually fade away.
So, in retaliation to my previous lament earlier today, if the summer is too boring and I feel I don’t have anything to do, then I suppose I’ll have to make things to do! Laundry list time, hehe =) And for once I won’t bother my readers with the details.
Earlier today, however, I was contemplating the idea of creating a separate site for my written works, similar to what the owner of Verbosity.net has done. I’ve played with this idea the entire day in my mind, and I keep on getting the urge to go ahead with this idea, but I know deep within my heart that I’ll simply lose interest in it over time. After all, aren’t all of my blog posts already “written works”? Haha =) It seems things work this way a lot of the time with me, however. I often get grand ideas that I really wish to pursue, but I know, regretfully, that I will eventually lose focus and discard the ambition.
Perhaps it’s best that I just stick with the things that I know I will never give up. Like continuing to prod at technology, produce Sekai no Melody, and doing what I do best - blogging and expressing my opinions! Until next time, enjoy life.
