Just like the match-seller girl…
But as for me, I have nothing;
I can’t find anything to sell.
Please buy the tears along my cheek.
Never give up, you have to go on.
~ Namida Uri no Shoujo, AKB48
This hasn’t been the best of weeks, to say the least. I had expected to own the 5.111 exam, but on the contrary, I ended up being owned by it. It was extremely disheartening because I had done all of the practice problems possible (and even searched online for more) and gotten most of them correct. I walked into the Walker testing center feeling completely prepared and ready, but I guess life likes to play tricks, because the test was full of many small deviations from our lectures. Not extremely difficult deviations, but they were surprising enough that it detracted significantly from my efficiency. Thus, it was hard for me to complete the test on time, and I ended up rushing on a few problems towards the end and thus making some calculation and reading errors. It makes me extremely pissed to know that if only I had had about 15 more minutes, I would’ve been able to relook over my test and easily correct them; when I received my test back, for example, I knew exactly why each of the answers was wrong, so it wasn’t that I didn’t know -how- to do the questions, but that I wasn’t given ample time to check over answers.
If I could do life over again, I would have not dragged myself through high school with the bare minimum. Perhaps then I could’ve taken advanced-level mathematics my junior/senior year, and then I’d have had a better background for the number-heavy sciences. I would have entered STS and Siemens. I would have studied harder for my AP tests so I would have gotten 72 hours of credit like some of my current acquaintances. I would have done more amazing things and applied for more scholarships to make for MIT’s sorry excuse of an financial aid package (which totalled zip-zilch-nada)
But why worry so much about the past and things that -could- have happened?
Like the match girl who persevered through the cold and loneliness, I too will continue to strive for improvement until the end. My optimism is my flame, and it burns dimly yet steadily throughout the trials of life. Come and share my warmth; none of us will fail this semester, and we will all end with a happier fate than that of the little match girl.
To Chemistry, Calculus, and revision of papers!