After being successfully stabbed, numbed, drilled, filled, and aimed at with bright blue lights, I climbed back into my mother’s car after an incredibly long and boring cavity-filling dental procedure. I was having a pretty good day so far - no problems with the dentist, an excellent night’s rest, and I had just happened to find that one of my favourite shirts had shrunk just the right amount in the wash to fit me flatteringly.
Then my mother turned to me and announced that late AP scores had come in, and I had received a shameful 2 on my Physics C Mech test.
I laughed. Exactly as I predicted. “What about Macroeconomics, then?” I piped up, anxiously anticipating the 4 or 5 my mother was ready to report.
“Oh that? You just got a three.”
Cue falling of sky.
I punched the pause button on my Zune and yanked the cord of my black earphones, tearing the poor little innocent earbud out and tossing it frustratingly upon the leather seat of the car. “WHAT?!” I screeched. “That’s impossible! I walked out of that test KNOWING I had aced it. I KNEW had every single FRQ correct, and most of the multiple choice!”
I ignored my mother glaring at me through the rearview mirror as angry tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. I didn’t understand. I still don’t. How is it that the one test I studied relentlessly for, the one course I had actually performed best in my class in, had actually understood, had actually loved and felt extremely confident about… how is it that I had received a mere THREE on this test?
I thought back to my 4 on AP Biology, my 5 on English Language and Literature, my 4 on World History. How is it that these tests, which I had not studied for, had not cared about.. how is it that THESE useless tests were the ones I received the highest grades in?!
I don’t want to become the stereotypical CCer, who anguishes over the 4 that they received in AP Physics C, the barely-5 they received on Calculus BC - that would make me extremely hypocritical. Yet I can’t help feeling bitter over the matter. To tell the truth, all I asked for this year was a 5 in Macroeconomics. I wanted nothing else; you definitely didn’t see me close to tears when I discovered I had failed US Government and Physics C. However, it’s extremely frustrating when the ONE TEST I had poured all my energy into was the one I could not excel in.
… sometimes it’s a rather harsh world out there.
Anyways, so to the point of the post: I’d like to apologize to my teachers and my parents. I know my teachers did the most they could to prepare me for the tests, and I feel like I have somehow failed them - all those 5’s on US Government practice tests turned out to be false hope. I remember going into Molacek’s room after Macro and excitedly telling him I had, quote, “owned the test,” and we talked for a good half hour about how well I felt about it. Not only had I given myself false hope, I had done the same for my teacher, and I feel completely and utterly stupid for doing so. My parents, in addition, ended up paying over $350 just so I could prove that I was incompetent at test-taking. I didn’t need 10 AP’s to tell me that - I kind of already knew after my SAT’s. And yet, my record with Collegeboard AP reads:
Biology - 4 (no credit given at MIT)
Computer Science A - 5 (no credit given)
Economics Macro - 3 (needed 5 for credit)
English Literature - 5 (9 credit hours of elective credit)
French Literature - 4 (needed 5 for credit)
Government US - 2 (needed 5 for credit)
Physics C Mech - 2 (needed 5 on both parts for credit)
English Language - 5 (got me out of FEE + 9 elective credit hours)
French Language - 2 (needed 5 for credit)
World History - 4 (no credit given)
Errata: The lovely Karen informed me I -do- get credit for my 5’s in English! Score =)
I’m not complaining about the fact that I got “only” a 3/4 and not a 5 on some tests. Numbers mean nothing to me, and I know there are many who would die just to -pass- a test. I realize that a 4 is actually pretty incredible in some tests like French Literature, and I’m proud that I was able to pass many of them.
What I am frustrated about is the fact that in the end, after countless hours of practice, studying, test-taking, and an input of over $500, I have come out absolutely empty-handed, be it with 5’s in tests I don’t receive credit for, or 3’s in those I had the potential to receive credit for (and simply didn’t get a high enough score on). The one test I cared most about, I ended up doing poorly on, after having the audacity to boast about how I was confident that I had performed well on it. The tests that -mattered- for credit were the ones I failed/didn’t receive a high enough score on, while the tests that didn’t count for anything were the ones I performed well on (yes, I’m looking at you, CompSci A!)
I feel miserable and guilty for wasting my parents’ money just to prove that no matter how hard I try, things always seem to work out in a way I dislike, and I feel really embarassed that I gave myself false hope. Why is it that many of the tests I -didn’t- study for (Bio, FrLit, EngLang, WHist) ended up better than those I -did- study for (Macro, Gov, FrLang)?
After calming down a bit, though, I figure it’s just the first of many walls I’ll hit in the coming years. The only thing I can do is keep my head high and continue to scale it, right?
………
On another topic, to make my already incredibly disgusting day even worse, I was wanna-be-Rickrolled!
Wanna-be? That’s right. Miss Ashley-effing-Tisdale did a ridiculous cover of the great 80’s hit Never Gonna Give You Up…. wow. Just wow. For shame.
you get 18 credit hours for your 5s on lit and lang :)
also i got a 3 on french language. i think my french teacher is going to cry.