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As of late, I’ve been very engaged in several card games, both of the casino type and the online trading variety =)

Finally it appears as if the game of Presidents is being buried in favour of slightly more intelligent games, which is a very good thing. For example, yesterday I played Spades (which I just learned three days ago and is an extremely addicting thinking game) in Government, Presidents at lunch, and Chinese poker during 4th. Actually, it was amusing to play Chinese poker (which I haven’t played since.. I don’t know, the AP Biology trip!) with Trina/Ben/Steven, two of whom hadn’t played my version of the game before (using the poker hands). I got really energized during that hour-and-a-half, so in addition to kicking ass on the AP Macroeconomics exam, I had a day of card-playing. Very enjoyable.

You know, I could play cards for a week straight without stopping, and I don’t think I’d ever get tired. I spoke with Patrick about organizing a 48-hour marathon, only then I realized that… no one else except me could hold out for half that long :P

As for online, I’ve recently got back into TCGs. On a whim Wednesday night, I decided to open a female asian music TCG (Special Generation), haha. I was going to make a technology TCG, but there aren’t any uber-nerds who would join and stay interested =/ I’m hoping S.Gen (official abbreviation for the TCG) will live long and prosper due to the size of the fanbase! I managed to design/code the layout in under 30 minutes, and I’m churning out decks pretty fast, haha. The psd file I made allows me to create 1 puzzle deck in 5 minutes, and regular decks shouldn’t be all that hard either =)

Anyways, time for school, i.e. playing cards all day.

I usually condemn the MySpace/Xanga-esque entries that randomly throw out lyrics to express bottled-up inner feelings that no one would understand if written in plain English (or perhaps the author doesn’t know how to write in properly in plain English). However, I guess I’ll have to deviate from that biased dislike to show you all two sets of lyrics I found while I was cleaning out my external hard drive today.

I started writing my own poetry when I was about four years old or so, but I didn’t start penning lyrics for songs until the seventh grade when I entered the Reflections contest. Being the “otaku” (and yes, I utilize that word properly since I used to be a lame animanga fanatic with no life) that I was at the time, I first wrote several lyrics to the tune of My Will (dream), Change the World (V6), and My Sweet Heart (Tokyo Mew Mew). Despite how much they sucked, I still won 2nd place for some strange reason. After that, I started doing English adaptations of Mermaid Melody songs over at the Mother Symphony forums, where they were a huge hit =)

I still do English adaptations, and one of the below lyrics is actually an adaptation, but I’ve also gotten into the habit of jotting down original lyrics from time to time. Now, if only I could compose something decent to put the words to..

Anyways, the first song I’d like to show would be “Surely Tomorrow”, to the tune of the Japanese “Kitto Ashita wa” (which means the same thing, haha). This is one of the few songs that has caused me to cry from sentimentalism. I sang it a lot in the 9th/10th grade when I was severely in a bad era of life. The second is the song “I Want to Hear Your Voice” to the tune of the Japanese “Koe wo Kikasete” (Let Me Hear Your Voice). Although the title is the same, the lyrics are completely original and express an innocent, feminine adoration.

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Sometimes I sit here during the day and think, “Damn. I hate myself.”

And then I’ll suspend my computer, go to my room, and curl up under the covers and think pity thoughts to myself until I eventually drift off into sleep, still feeling miserable and hurtful.

I’ve always condemned the idea of “depression” and such. In my mind, it’s foolish and immature to self-diagnose oneself as “depressed” because the only true depression that exists is the byproduct of chemical imbalances in the mind, which should be promptly treated with meds if necessary. Doctors do that sort of diagnosis, not moody teenagers who think their life is miserable. So no, I can’t say that I’m “depressed” some of the time.

It’s more like I’m just plain frustrated at how locked up and wasteful my life is.

I never go out anywhere to socialize. I think in the beginning my parents fostered this dislike of going out, my acquaintances nurtured it by not inviting me anywhere in the first place, and eventually it got to the point where I just said, “Screw it. I don’t even like socializing.” But just because I don’t like socializing doesn’t mean I don’t like to get out of the damn house every so often and… I don’t know. Take a walk around the neighbourhood? go shopping by myself at the mall? sit in the bookstore for an hour or two and read all the computing books? If I had more skills or talents, I would join an orchestra or choir and then I’d actually be involved in something again. Now that scifair is over, I feel like I don’t even belong anywhere, so of course I just keep to myself.

When I am actually at my house, the only things that I ever do are 1) web design, 2) Sekai no Melody work, 3) messing around with my computer, and 4) playing Stepmania. It’s not like there’s anything else that I really enjoy doing or see the point in doing. I had a novella in the works but scrapped that plan. I have no more motivation to do any schoolwork. So as of this moment, my life currently means nothing : So yeah, -this- is why I can’t wait to get into college so I can actually go out and do something worthwhile with my time.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go wallow in self-pity by taking another nap..